To those who feel hollow: you are not alone.
I know you hear this constantly. It is repeated in the media. Hotlines are thrown at you left and right. You think, “as if a phone call will be able to fill this emptiness inside me.” People say, “I am here for you” but they can’t help. People say, “love yourself” but never tell you how. People say, “Just have hope, it will get better” but do not explain the steps required. They repeat the words read on pamphlets and heard on TV.
This void inside is so real and so big you do not even feel that you are a person. You can picture memories of yourself being happy, see your past self, smiling, but can not remember what that felt like. You know staying in bed will accomplish nothing, but you don’t care. Sure, one day you may feel happy again, but right now you are broken. Your heart has been removed; your chest is weighed down, your eyes feel as if they are glazed over. There may be times where your mind is empty and other times where it is full of dread. Dread because tomorrow will be the same.
Tomorrow will be the same. Tomorrow will be the same. Tomorrow will be the same…
If only you had the energy to sit up out of bed, put your feet on the floor, take a shower and get dressed. If only you had a push. A drive. Just a little motivation. If only you could step outdoors for a moment, the weight on your chest might lessen a fraction of an inch. The dread may ease away slightly. If you just had the motivation to take a small step, things might get easier. And after a while, when one step becomes easier, and the next step becomes easier, and even the step after that becomes easier, you may feel as though a quarter of your heart has returned. You never thought you’d see that again! More days pass with you sitting up out of bed, placing your feet on the floor, taking a shower and getting dressed, and taking a step outside and your quarter of a heart hasn’t left like you thought it would. Instead, it starts beating. More time passes, and the heart grows a little. You have half of your heart back.
These steps will possibly be the hardest thing you face in your life. Nobody but you can put that heart of yours back into your body. Nobody but you can lift that weight from your chest. It can be done. There is happiness in your future if you find just a sliver of strength to sit up out of bed and place your feet on the floor.
P.S. For many, it is not possible to find that sliver of strength on their own (I know it wasn’t for me). Taking advantage of the tools around you to find that inner strength is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it is commendable. Take advantage of the hotlines that are shoved in your face, take advantage of online support groups, take advantage of counselors, therapists, outpatient and inpatient treatment, intensive treatment, everything and anything that will give you the smallest push in the right direction! Take everything one step at a time and eventually, you will find yourself again.
~ Stay Chipper Friends ~
Hotlines: National Suicide Prevention Hotline – 1-800-273-8255 Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 741741 Postpartum Depression – 1-800-PPD-MOMS Your Life Counts – 1-877-968-8454
Therapists/Counselors/Treatment Centers/Support Groups
I believe these resources are mainly for the US.
This post is in honor of all of us who feel or have felt this way. It is scary, it is powerful, and it will forever change you.
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