I’ve had a such a nice, normal week…..did I really just say that? I haven’t said that in over seven months! This week and the simplicity of it was something I never expected to really feel again. Tasks such as waking up in the morning, brushing my teeth, and getting dressed are actually easy right now. I can’t help but smile as I write this. I feel so light and airy. But at the same time, I feel another fight coming. The clouds are slowly swarming around me…and surprisingly, that’s okay. I have my armor on and I’m ready for the fight.
This week has been filled with so much excitement. I was excited to see my friends, excited to meet my teachers, I was excited for new classes, and I was excited to get back to the real world. Now that the excitement is wearing off, I feel him creeping in the back of my head. Mr. OCD is crawling slowly to his old spot in my brain above my right eyebrow. I started feeling slight urges to avoid, and my initial reaction was to panic. After a quick FaceTime with my parents to ground my thoughts, I felt better. So far I’ve been okay. I’m right on track with homework, if not ahead. My room is clean, my desk is organized, and I’m on top of daily tasks that need to get done. The one thing that is giving me a little trouble is showering. I’ve been showering everyday, but Sunday I skipped. I didn’t take one in the morning, and even though I planned on taking one in the night to make up for it, I didn’t. I felt awful for giving in, there was this guilt in the pit of my stomach. I don’t plan on giving in again any time soon. Sometimes you need to feel the consequence in order to move forward.
I’ve been preparing myself for a fight. I knew once the excitement ended, the urges would surface again. I’m not disappointed, if anything I feel strong. I honestly believe that I have learned everything I will ever know about facing my Anxiety and OCD. Right now, after an amazing few days, I feel like I’m at the top of the world compared to how I was not even four to five months ago, which you can read here. I really think I can do this. I think I can stay in school, and I think I can enjoy it. I think that one day I’ll be able to make long term plans instead of living hour by hour, and I’m excited for the day when I can help others and make them feel as strong as I feel right now.
~ Stay Chipper! ~
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