Happy Mental Health Awareness Month! 💗 I want to include a trigger warning in today’s post. There will be topics including eating disorders and suicidal ideations.
Today I wanted to share a video from 2015 to remind everyone to always be kind, you never know what someone is going through. I additionally want to share it to show how debilitating mental illness can be. Unless you have witnessed or experienced it, it is not possible to truly understand, however, maybe this will shed a little light on the matter.
On this day I was doing a trial run to see if I would be able to get in the car to make the scheduled flight later that week for Wisconsin. I was on a heavy valium hoping it would make it easier. After a while, I was finally able to place my toes onto the cement sidewalk before retreating into the house sobbing.
After a while, I was finally able to place my toes onto the cement sidewalk before retreating into the house sobbing. When they day came for the flight, I knew I didn’t have a choice and my decent down the stairs went a little quicker. My parents drove me 45 minutes to Albany, they called ahead for wheelchair services, and we boarded the plane for my second stay at Rogers Memorial Hospital for residential OCD Treatment. I hadn’t showered in over a month, I struggled to cope with my weight gain and was purging after every meal, I couldn’t put clothes on, say the word, “school” let alone look at my college website or even think about returning. I had been here before and never thought I would return to such a dark crippling place. I lived only for my parents, many days not seeing any way out of this darkness. To face these demons was soul crushing.
When I look back on where I was, it does not feel real. Most of my childhood does not feel real. Now, in 2021, I would consider myself recovered. I have slight resistances every now and then but it doesn’t stop me from my day. I can’t help but get emotional when I think of where I am – living the life I was told I would never live; on my own in New York City with a Masters in Psychology and halfway through my Masters in Mental Health Counseling. I shower every other day, haven’t purged since 2015, have accepted my body (for the most part) and find myself feeling prettier as the years go by. I never could have imagined overcoming all of it. It proves that no matter how bad things are, there truly is a future waiting for you beyond all of your wildest expectations. There is help available. You are not alone.
~ Stay Chipper Friends ~
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